I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
