When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
