You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
