nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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