Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
