i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
