my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
