OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
