Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
