there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
