10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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