He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
