About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I fill condoms, not promises.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
