what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
