I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
