so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
