I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
