Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
