Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
