He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He has the fingertips of a God
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