Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
