True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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