she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
