hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
