i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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