no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
