I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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