There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
