Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
