I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
