Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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