dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
