So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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