They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
