I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
