every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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