I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
