I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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