Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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