i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
