About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
