I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
