Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
