Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
