This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
