I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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