My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
