hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
