at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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