The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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